Without you
by Eponine-Paddy-Cullen-Baldock
Summary: Edward leaves Bella.Bella attemps suicide does Edward and the Cullens make it back in time to save Bella. I know it has been done before. OCC at times. It is my first Fanfiction and all and please R
1. Chapter 1

**without you.**

**A/N: **I do not own twilight or any of these characters. But I own the plot and story line. This is my first FanFiction so I hope it is okay. It has been done before I know but mine is good. can be a little OOC. So enjoy and don't forget to R&R please.

**B.P.O.V (**Bella) prolog

Edward has gone hunting tonight and it has been 2 months since he has propsed to me. I am sitting in the middle of the bed. Memories of the dark time are coming back. My still healing scars are aching so are my hands. aching to get hold of my tools I used the whole time Edward was away, Edward hated to leave me as he knows that I don't sleep well with out him and that I have many panik attacks which Alice sees and send's Edward to calm me down.

I walk over the the loss floor board in my room. I lift the blank of wood to find the wooden book I keep my tools in. I take the sharp blades out along with bandeges and cloth to clean up afterwards. I look at the small metal blade in my hand I move it a little so the edge of the nife glows a little. I slowly bring the knife down to my wrist and slowly drag the cold metal across my pale skin I watch as the crimson liquid runns out my vains. I feel the sense of relife. I can feel again. I do this another 3 times getting a littlw deeper with each knew cut. I know that Edward will be able to smell the fresh blood I have spilt but I cannot bring my self to care. I. Can. Feel. Again.

My name is Isabella Swan and this is my story. I shall begin at the start of how we got here. It is not going to be a great happy start but the ending will be well a happy one nop less. So lets start. As I said this is my story of my deepest dark life.


	2. Idea, Letters of GoodBye

**Chapter 1**

**B.P.O.V **

_(1 week before Edward retrund.)_

It has been 6 months since.. he left me in the forest. Today is the same as any other day I am sitting on my bedroom floor numb of all emotions. There is a small pocket knife in my hands I have been doing this for 5 months. My dad Charlie does not know I do this to myself.

My hands absent mindedly turn the knife round in my hands, the knife's razors edge reflecting the little light coming from my lamp. Charlie is asleep so I know that I cannot get cought out cutting myself. I lower the blade to my pale, but fragile skin which is already submerged in cuts and scars. I drag the blade across my skin watching as a trail of crimson blood is left behind the only sign that the blade was ever there. I do this another three times smilling even bigger as the blood flows from my wounds, my lifes blood running from my veins. I grap the cloth from the floor to clean of some of the blood, I grap the bandages as well which I expertly wrap round my wounds to cover them up. I clean of the small knife placing it back in the box which I keep it in.

I climb into bed waiting for sleep to find me, even if it is only for a couple of hours before i wake from my nightmere the sameone I have had for 6 months straight. You would think that I am used to it by know but I am not. It is just as worse as when I first had it. But the pain and problems it courses I welcome with open arms as it is my only reminder that it was real. That he was real. That I am real. There is only one way to stop this pain. To stop this agony. Suicide. I can solve all this by doing one small action, I can stop hurting Charlie, I can stop being a zombie. Someone who is just going through the motions to keep everyone else happy to keep them from worring about me. I can stop all of that just by ending it all. My life. My pain. Everything. That is the night I made up my mind, that is the night I told myself that I am going to help get myself out of this black hole of depression.

I awoke a liittle after 4 AM. I saw my lyric pad and I knew that I shoukd leave something to my family, so I wrote a song and it's name was 'without you' this song was more or less about the pain I feel over him leaving me and what I do to everyone around me.

Charlie nocked on my door knowing that I would be up. He also knows that I will not be going into school. I have not stepped outside this house since he left me. Every where i go reminds me of him and them. Dad has tried to send me to go and live with my mother but I refused I through a massive tantrum telling them that I am 18 and that I have the right to stay where I am. I didn't want to go back to the heat and humid weather. I wanted to stay in Forks where it was rainy and cloudy all the time.

"Morning Bella, I am off to work and should I even ask if you will be attending school today." Charlie greeted me and I just stayed silent not being able to talk to him knowing that I was on the edge I was hitting melting break down leveals and Charlie could not cope with that. "Ok I will see you after work then." Charlie has been working in till late at night as to not be round me that often.

I walk over to my note pad I should be using for school if I ever attended again. I sit down and get to work writting my letters the one to Charlie was short not really knowing what to say in it, so I just told him he was a great dad and that I am sorry for all the pain Ihave coursed and thanks for looking after me. It was the same for my mother to, I put both of them in another box in my draw the envelops had there names on them.

My next letter was to Rosalie it read.

_Dear Rosalie,_

_I know you did not like me at all while I was with your brother and I would like you to know that I thought of you as an older sister. I hope that you will someday come to turms with this. I am sorry for putting you and your family through this and I hope that one day you get what you wish for most, you would make a wonderful mother and if you ever do adopted I hope that you and Emmett will be great parents. _

_So I guess this is goodbye. I love you Rosalie._

_from _

_Bella_

_P.S please stop Edward from doing anything stupid i know that he may not love me any more but I still Love hime and I would hate it if something happend to him. Thanks._

I folded the letter placed it in an enverlop and placed it to the side. I started next with Emmett, that was hard to do as we were so close so it read this:

_Dear Emmett, My brother._

_Emmett. Brother, man I will miss you loads. I had many fun times with you and your playful-ness. I hope that I gave you some happy memories. I am sorry for intruding into our family and I hope you can forgive me and someday look through all this and understand why i did this. _

_I love you like you were my own brother. Look after Rose ok don't ever treat her wrong. And if you ever adopt a child you will make a wonderful father, you will teach them how to defend themselfs as well as how to pull pranks and funny jokes to keep others smiling. I hope you will forever keep that teddy bear side to you never change ok._

_From _

_Bella _

_P.S please stop Edward from doing anything stupid. Your brother may not love me nor care for me but I still do and I would hate myself of he did something out of guilt and rash thoughts so keep him safe for me. thanks._

I finished Emmetts letter and was crying, I put it in the same place as Rosalies and started on Alice's I said things about the many shopping trips we went on and the times she played Bella Barbie as well as telling her that I love her and that she was my sister in every way possible. I did one for Carlisle and Esme telling them that they were like the mother and father I wished to have and that I am sorry for being a burdon and sorr for what Iput thier family through for no reason. I asked them to keep Edward safe and that I love them as well as Edward and thanks for making my time with them un-forgetable. I wrote Jaspers letter it read this:

_Dear Jasper._

_I think of you as a brother and that the birthday incedent was not your fault you can stop blaming yourself ok Jasper. I understand, and it is only natural for it to happen I should of been more careful of what I was doing knowing that it was possible to get a paper cut while un-wrapping birthday gifts._

_Jasper you are also my brother never forget that. I wish you well and hope it gets easyer for you to be around humans and that one day it will not hurt as much. I am sorry for putting you and you family through pain and danger. I hope I have not had an affect on your family and that you are still as close as ever and I am sorry that the house know smells so strongly on my blood but I had to do it here to be in a place of peace and comfort and somewhere were I always felt safe no matter what. There will no longer be any threat to Alice or you family. I am ever so sorry my brother._

_From_

_Bella _

_P.S please do not let Edward do anything stupid stop him before he can do anything. He may not care or love me but I do love and care about him always will and always have. I am so sorry. thanks._

I finished that letter and put it in the pile Edward was not going to get a latter he was going to get a message which will be on the CD with the song. I put them in the box with my tools for death and put them in the bag I have already made a booking at the music studio in seattle which will be tomorrow and so I have anothe time to copy the song on to some CD's for the others so they all can have the last song I have ever written and sung, my last thing I ever did before I diead.


	3. the last song ever made by Bella swan

**Chapter 2:**

**B.P.O.V**

I walked into the little shop in seattle and saw that it was Jake working today which is great as he is the only one I can trust right know nowing that his dad Billy is freinds and fishing buddies with my dad, and I know that he wont tell anyone about what I am about to do and say in that room.

"Hay Jake, anything new about your self, oh I called in yesterday asking if I could use a studio to record a song and a message, and if it's alright with you I would like it if you would do it for me as you are the only one I can trust round here to do the job proberly." I ask Jake hoping that he will agree and not really care as he knows that when he works the studio he gets paid extra as he always has the custumer leaving happy with there work.

"Sure Bella flow me out to my studio. I have to say this is a first for you to come here you have'nt set foot in this place since...umm...since he left. I'm glade you are singing and playing again so how many songs this time." Jakew askes trying to fill in the silence with chit chat.

"Just the one song and a massage, but you must promise me that you will not tell anyone any of this they will find out about this when the time is right ok." I tell him he nod's and point towards the door for the recording booth where I will play the piano and sing the song and then say my message.

"So same as normal, ear phones, re-adjust mic and nod when ready and then nod when finished." Jake informs me again doing his job well even though I know what I am doing. I get into the little room sit down at the grand piano and adjust the mic to how I want it to be and how it os ment to be. I nod to Jake to tell him to start recording. The deepressing melody that is created on the piano starts me off and then I join it my voice shaking and full of all the emotions that I have put into this song the lyrics come with ease.

_Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.  
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.  
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.  
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you._

Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.  
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.  
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.  
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you.

The world revives—

Colors renew—

But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue.

Without you.  
Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats.

Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe.

The mind churns!

The heart yearns!

The tears dry, without you.  
Life goes on, but I'm gone.  
Cause I die, without you.

Without you.

Without you.

Without you.

I nod to Jake to tell him he can stop recording for now. I don't look up from my hands which are ringing around my wrist I can feel all the scars and cuts on my arms, I chew on my bottem lip a habbit I do when I am nervouse.

"Jake can we do the message know please and then we are done." Jake just nods his head I take a breath before I nod my head saying that I am ready."So umm if your listening to this then this means you have found me and this CD. I am sorry Edward for the burden I have been to you and your family, you will be glade to know that I won't be any more. Edward there is one thing that you have to promise me, please don't do anything stupid please. Don't go and kill yourself that is not what I want. I know that you don't love me or care for me any more but I still love you and care for you always have and always will.

I have not done this to make you feel guilty but because I could not cope with the pain any more, I was just going through the motions you know like buffy from once more with feeling. I...I can remember when we watched that together. I has dieing slowly and I was hurting the ones I loved like I always do...Huh." I took a shakey breath before I told him where they and he will be able to find the things I left for them.

"Edward there is something else I need you to do for me. In the top draw of my dresser there is a box with two letters and 2 CD'S they are adressed to my perants I would like you to tell them that it is there and they must read the letter before listening to what is on the CD. Your family will find a letter, a CD, as well as something else which belonged to me which I would like them to have. They will find the letter in their respected bedrooms along with the other stuff, they to have to read the letter before listening to the CD. And last but not least for you my love, my Edward. You will find you things in our meadow it is a box filled with things I know you would want back and or have admired while you was at Charlies. Well I guess this is GoodBye my love. I love you so much. You may know listen to song I wrote with you as my insperation. I love you and remember don't do anything stupid the others will stop you before you can do anything." I close my eyes and nod to let jake know that he can stop recording. I let tears fall down my cheaks unable to stop them.

"Bella please don't tell me I have just helped you with a suicide letter in a message form." Jake begged me but I did not answare him I just looked up whiping the tears from my face.

"Can you put that first please I need it to go first before the song and can you get it on to CD as fast as you can. Thank you Jake. You are a kind young man any woman who gets you in the future will be a very lucky one." I tell Jake as I walk out and make my way towards the front of the building. Jake comes out the back 10 minutes after me holding a CD on his hands. "Thank you Jake here is the money. Have a nice day."_Have a long and happy life_ is what I really wanted to say but could not.

I walked through the front door of Charlies door. I walked straight to my room, loading the CD into the computer so I can burn and rip the song on to CD's for the others. It takes me one hour to get all the CD's made named and cased and put with the right enverlop and pile. I went to bed knowing that tomrrow when I go to sleep I will not be waking up. I would be free. Free from pain. Loss. Agony. Just free.


	4. Blame, Vision and time

**A/N:** hay so I have hit Chapter 3 is it any good or is it a lost course please tell me if I should re-write the whole thing or take it of completly. R&R hope you enjoy chapter 3. the song in previous chapter is called 'Without you' from a musical called rent.

**Chapter 3**

**B.P.O.V. **

I woke up this morning feeling like shit as always. I look over the alarm clock and see that it is 6 AM so Charlie is already at work. I walk to the bathroom with my bag of tolitries in hand as well as my cloths which is one of _his_ old t-shirts and a pair of old jeans. The bathroom smells of Charlies wash stuff and it is conforting to smell it, it is as if I am enclosed in his warm embrace as a child. I will miss that most the hugs I resive of my mother and father, but I cannot stand the pain. The loss any more I am going to put a stop to it once and for all.

The steam rolling out from behind the shower certain tells me that I can step in to the shower without being frozen. The warm water slowly relaxes my muscles and warm up my cold body, I hum without you to my self. The one thing I love most about showers is that no-one can tell that you are crying as your tears dance to a silent song with the water. The water starts to run cold, that is my cue to leave the shower to get myself ready today.

I am now dry and wearing a forest green t-shirt that belongs to _him_, a pair of dark wash jeans I have had for ages, I am wearing my red and black converses. My hair flowes down my back in its natural waves. I am wearing no make-up, I don't need any as I have natural beauty so I am told by _him_.

I walk to my dads bedroom to see if he has any empty boxes big anothe to put the stuff in I will need to take to the Cullens as well as the meadow.

"Ahh, Bingo that should be big anothe. God bella you are talking to yourself." I say out loud not really careing if anyone can hear me if the have just walked in. I walk back to my bedroom with the cardboard box. I set the box on my bed and I wonder towards my CD collection and take out all the CD's which are my own and place them in the box there is like 10 0f those, I walk over to my book collection and pick up Wathering Hights, Rome and Julet, and some of the war books I have got. I place them in the box as well. I walk over to my closet and pull out a dress which is lilac and flows nicerly down the body it is strapless it is a dress I brought for Alice and I was planning to give it to her after my birthday as a thank you but she left so I could not. I put that in the box. I went to the very back of my closet and pulled out a stuffed grizzly bear which I got from one of my trips with my mother and placed it in the box as well, I took out the jewllery box which holds a heart shaped pendant necklace which holds 2 pictures init. The words 'Time may slip through your fingers, but never let go of your family' engraved in it I placed that in the box. that is all that is needed from here.

I picked up the letters and the 2 boxes I will be taking to the Cullens with me, I walked throught the house the the front door slowly to take it all in. _Goodbye my house, my home. _I think this as I walk to my truck I drive the short drive to the entrance walk to our meadow. I pick up the box taking out the things that do not need to be in the box.

The treck to the meadow is a little longer than I can rememeber it I stumble my way through the woodland, never falling I see the light up ahead and start going a little fast knowing that this will be my last time here in our meadow. the plants are dead as well as the grass, it is as if they can tell that nothing good is ever going to happen here in this meadow again. I place the box in the centre of the meadow knowing that no one is going to come here and take it before Ed-_he_ does. I turn round not being able to be here the memories rushing back to me know. I run back to my car, the damn breaking in my eyes, the tears falling freely down my checks leaving salty trakes down them.

**A.P.O.V **(**Alice**)

It has been 6 months since I last saw Bella, Edward refuses to let me see into her future but sometimes I can't help them when I do see her. Everyone has not been the same since we left Bella back in Forks. Rose refuses to fix up any car which is surprising as she hated Bella never made Bella feel welcomed in to the family. Emmett wont tell jokes or playfight anymore its as if he is no longer able to be a kid. Esme stays in hers and Carlisle's room and cries only ever comes out when she needs to hunt, or when our cousins come round, Carlisle works more so he his hardly at home and when he is at home he will sit with Esme and cry with her over the loss of a daughter. I wont shop nor am I ever hyper any more, Jasper just sits there not sure what to do as he blames himself, he sits on the sofa in our room rocking back and forth saying 'if only I had better self control, if only I could of been able to with stand the aroma of her blood.' it is like it is his mantra he has more self control over blood now it is amazing. Edward well Edward is somewhere in amarica not with his family not being able to be in a house which remindds him of his Bella so much, I calls once a month just to tell us that he is alive and coping.

Today we where all hunting Edward is done for the day after long amounts of begging from Esme. Me and Jazz went a little bit fearther than the family as Jasper is struggerling with the intense amount of pain, agony, and guilt there is. we where still in range so that Edward can hear our thoughts. I was draining the blood of a dear when the vision hit me.

***Vision***

_Bella was sitting on the black leather sofa in Edwards old room back in Fokes she has just put a CD in the CD player and has put a trigger on it so when the door is opend it will play automaticly. Her eyes are closed and there is a knife in her hands._

_"I love you Edward. I am so sorry I was never anothe for you to love me back. I will be gone soon you will never have to hear or see of me again. I am sorry I put you and your family through so much danger. Rosalie was right, I am just a weak perthetic human who deserives to die, well now I am no longer a threat to you or your family. I love you Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett,Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme." She finished talking and lowerd the knife to her wrists and makes cuts deep anothe that she will bleed to death on both wrist there are two of these. There are scars and cuts all up her arms she has dont this before it seems. She laughs a breathly laugh she gets paler by the second._

_***End Vision**_*****

Jasper runs over to my sobbing shaking body hugging me to his chest as tight as he can rocking me back and forth to calm me down to be able to talk.

"It's Bella she is going to kill herself we have to stop her. We have to leave know this will happen in 2 hours or less it was very strong and everything. We have to stop her I can't lose her forever Jazz I just can't." I say braking into tears again. I can tell that the family has just come into the clearing where me and Jazz are.

"Alice what happend what did you see, why are you crying so much." They all asked at once...


	5. Regreats and Sins

**Chapter 4 **

**E.P.O.V (**_Edward)_

I was draining the blood from a mountain lion when I decided to go meet upwith the rest of the family when I caught Jaspers Thoughts

"_I wounder what Alice could of seen to make her this upset._" Oh god this can't be good if Alice is upset and distrought from the vision. I run towards the clearing that Jaz and Alice are in and I notice that the rest of the family is also there.

"Alice whats wrong, why are you crying." We all ask her at the same time Alice is blocking her thoughts by translating Harry Potter and the Order of Phenix in to galic.

"It's Bella we need to go know back to forks before it's to late we are running out of time. We need to leave know." Alice says argently standing up, getting into a persition to make a run for it in the direction of Forks.

"Alice why do we need to go back to Forks? and I thought I told you not to look into her future anymore we can not interfer more then we already have." I ask and tell her but I am a little bit worried as what ever it is has Alice in tears.

"Bella is going to commet suicide and if we don't leave know and stop her not even venom will be able to save her. Edward we have to go to stop her or at least save her please I cannot loss a sister and a friend more than I already have." Alice looks at me the hole time she talks. Oh god it's my fault she is going to kill her self. It's my fault for all the pain my family has been in.

"Edward, why did you make us leave. Why did you leave her. Yes, I may have been jelous and mean to her but that is bellow the belt. God Edward your one chance to be happy and to have the love of your life and you throw it away and now look where it has got you." Rosalie screams at me crying into Emmetts shoulder, Esme and Carlisle just look away from me crying in each others arms. I run towards Forks needing to go and stop my Bella from killing her self.

**B.P.O.V**

I have just finished puting the dress and war book as well into Alices and Jaspers rooms. I walk up another flight of staris, I walk up throught the landing heading to the last door on the thrid floor holding the box with the key to my freedom as well as the CD for Edwards CD playes. I open the door to his room, looking around all his music is still here on the shelves his black leather sofa was not coverd by any white sheets which I am greatful for so that I can feel its cold service against my skin. I walk over to his CD player and placed my CD in it. I attached some string to it so that when Edward opens his door the CD willl start playing.

I smile a little at the thought that he will see me and hear me one last time even if I am not around to see any of this happen. I walk over to the sofa with the box in my hands and I get the knife out not really needing the rest of it. I look down at the knife and turn it in my hands while some lyrics comes into my mind is lowerd the knife down to my wrist and made sure to put more presure then I normaly do I do this a couple of times on both wrists.

"I love you Edward. I am so sorry I was never anothe for you to love me back. I will be gone soon you will never have to hear or see of me again. I am sorry I put you and your family through so much danger. Rosalie was right, I am just a weak perthetic human who deserives to die, well now I am no longer a threat to you or your family. I love you Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett,Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme." I say out load smiling a little as my crimson life blood flows out of my veins at a deadly pace I could feel my self slipping into darkness getting very tired,very fast. "I love you Edward."

**E.P.O.V.**

I reached the house two hours later. I could smell her blood from here. I'm too late I think to my self. I run through the door and straight to my room as that is where the blood is strongest. I open the door and here my CD player start and I hear the most wonderful sound ever. My Bella's Vioce. The heart beat in the room is very weak. I then register what I am hearing.

"So umm if your listening to this then this means you have found me and this CD. I am sorry Edward for the burden I have been to you and your family, you will be glade to know that I won't be any more. Edward there is one thing that you have to promise me, please don't do anything stupid please. Don't go and kill yourself that is not what I want. I know that you don't love me or care for me any more but I still love you and care for you always have and always will.

I have not done this to make you feel guilty but because I could not cope with the pain any more, I was just going through the motions you know like buffy from once more with feeling. I...I can remember when we watched that together. I has dieing slowly and I was hurting the ones I loved like I always do...Huh." There was a slight pause in which Bella took in a shakey breath before continuing

"Edward there is something else I need you to do for me. In the top draw of my dresser there is a box with two letters and 2 CD'S they are adressed to my perants I would like you to tell them that it is there and they must read the letter before listening to what is on the CD. Your family will find a letter, a CD, as well as something else which belonged to me which I would like them to have. They will find the letter in their respected bedrooms along with the other stuff, they to have to read the letter before listening to the CD. And last but not least for you my love, my Edward. You will find you things in our meadow it is a box filled with things I know you would want back and or have admired while you was at Charlies. Well I guess this is GoodBye my love. I love you so much. You may know listen to song I wrote with you as my insperation. I love you and remember don't do anything stupid the others will stop you before you can do anything." The message stops and I see the faces of my family with the letters and verouis different objects from Bella in their hands.

Carlisle was wrapping something around Bellas arms to stop the bleeding, her heart was still beating it was weak.

"Edward we are going to have to go the hospital now to get her proper treatment... Son is that Bella singing on that CD." I look at my dad confused what was he talking about singing and Bella I was more worried about getting her to hospital in time.

" Umm yeah by the sounds of it but can we please get to the hospital know please we don't have much time her heart is getting weaker as we talk we can talk while we are in the hospital." I say to no-one in perticula I grap the CD from the player and ran to my car with it in hand. Carlisle took Bella in his car and speed off I left straight after him and listend to the song.

**Rosalie P.O.V**

the whole family run at an inhumanly pace to the house, which we notice has a very strong sent of blood. Blood that belongs to Bella Oh God we are to late what about Edward. We here from up stairs a recording of Bellas voice saying 'in the respected rooms of each family member they will find a letter and a CD but they must read the letter first.'

"What do you think that means." I turn to look at my family but they all have the same look on their faces, devistaion, gruilt, pain, loss, as well as confusion. They did not reply they just ran to there rooms. I stood there shooked not really expecting there to be one for me in my room as I was nothing but mean to her.

"Rose. Check you bedroom Bella was in there I can smell her senct in your room." Emmett shouted from his room his voice was tight like he was fighting crying or something. I ran to my bedroom and sure anothe there on my bed was a letter and CD and a small jewllery box.

"Oh God, what could she say about me I never showed her any type of nice actions or said anything nice things to her while she was round us or when she was not." I said out loud I was to shocked to say it only in my head. I turn the enverlop over and riped it open making sure to rip the letter. I looked down at the open letter and read it once then twice I was shocked with what it said.

_Dear Rosalie,_

_I know you did not like me at all while I was with your brother and I would like you to know that I thought of you as an older sister. I hope that you will someday come to turms with this. I am sorry for putting you and your family through this and I hope that one day you get what you wish for most, you would make a wonderful mother and if you ever do adopted I hope that you and Emmett will be great parents. _

_So I guess this is goodbye. I love you Rosalie._

_from _

_Bella_

_P.S please stop Edward from doing anything stupid i know that he may not love me any more but I still Love hime and I would hate it if something happend to him. Thanks._

I can't belive after everything I have done she still thinks like that of me. I pick up the jewllwey box and lifted the lid. There laying on the black satan bed was a pendant gold with elegant engravings on it I open up the locket to see that it has room for two photos and words engraved in the side. The engravings read, 'Time may slip through your fingers, but never let go of your family'. I start to sob. I hate more then ever that I cannot let the tears realise from my eyes. Emmett walks in carring a black grizzly bear toy, he looks like he has been crying as well.

"Rose what's wrong what did she say and give you. Carlisle is up in Edwards room looking at Bella we should go up with the rest." Emmett said his voice is viode of any emotions it is like he is dead. It is like he is numb to sure what to do or feel.

"Em she said...She said that she loves me and thinks of me as a sister and that she understood my actions. She also said that I would make a wonderful mother if I ever thought about adopting and she gave me this. Em look what it has engraved in it." Em looked at my pendant and its engraved words his eyes teard up with tears he will never be able to shed.

"She really did love you Rose and she is right we would make perfect parents. Come on Rose we should join the others up at Edwards room so we can see what is going to happen from here." Em took my hand and we walked out of my room and up to Edwards room. Everyone was crowded in the door way looking exactly the same as me and Em.

"We need to get her to the hospital so she can have better treatment Edward. Is that Bella singing on that CD." Carlisle said as an after thought. I have not got round to listening to the CD which was left with all of the other things by the looks of it neather has anyone else.

"Um yes we need to get to the hospital now her heart is weak." Edward said obviously avoiding the other question.

"_Why would you do this Edward. I thought I was cold hearted and a bitch but I can't belive you would do this to my sister. You fucking basterd._"I thought to Edward he made us leave and this is what happens. Edward just flinches at my thoughts his face and eyes holding only pain for what he has done. You can tell that he regreats doing what he has done. Carlisle just walks out with Bella in his arms walking towards the cars to go to the hospital.

"Come on Rose we should follow him so we can see how this will play out and I want to be there for her." Emmett says with determination in his voice. I know this side of Emmett it does not come out often.


	6. Hospital and Thoughts

**Chapter 5 **

**E.P.O.V**

I was driving behind Carlisle who had the love of my life in the back of his car. My Bella was fighting for her life even though I know she is not fighting the darkness that is surely trying to over take her and take her away from me and my family. I did that onces and I am never doing it again it put so much strain between me and my family to loss a vital part of us.

I placed the CD into the radio in my volvo and put it on the second track which had the song Bella had written and sung her self by the sounds of it. The soft melody played, it was a piano I thought she could not play. The lyrics which cam next cut me like a knife. It made my heart break into many agonizing peaices. You could tell that the emotion in this song is so strong and I caused these emotions and this song and the situation in which took her from me.

_Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.  
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.  
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.  
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you._

Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.  
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.  
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.  
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you.

The world revives—

Colors renew—

But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue.

Without you.  
Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats.

Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe.

The mind churns!

The heart yearns!

The tears dry, without you.  
Life goes on, but I'm gone.  
Cause I die, without you.

Without you.

Without you.

Without you.

The song finished and I was crying tearless sobs. I caused my love. My Bella to feel all this, I am such a monster. But I will no longer be away from my Bella I am to selfish to do that anymore I have come to close to lossing her and I wont servive if she does not make it. I speed up a little bit more.

I arrived at the hospital a couple of minutes after Carlisle did. I could already hear that someone is calling ; he would be here soon no doubt ignoring the road law to get to his only daughter. I run into the hospital and ask straight away what room Bella Swan they did not tell me nor did they know where she was. I ran following Bella's flowerly scent. I stood outside the door which was open and I could see Carlisle and some nurse I did not know the name of working around my Bella. Carlisle could sense my presnce so he lifted his gard to talk to me throught his thoughts.

_"Son I think it is best you go to the waiting room with the others I will come out and tell you how she is doing then but it is best for you to leave. The blood will be strong and potant and I don't want anything to happen. You will need to fill in Charlie with what happend and ask Alice about what our story for being back is please."_ Carlisle but his gard back up to work over my love. Stiching up the open vein as well as the skin around it to pervent her from any more blood loss. I turnd round to walk back to the waiting room and was bombared with my familys thoughts.

_"Why would you do that to her Edward. I may of hated her and was jelouse of her. But you did that to her. She made me cry and she thought of me a sister and loved me even though I treated her like shit. You are fucking basterd and you have a lot to answer for you know. That song she wrote and sung good I cried at it as well as her letter and the gift she left on my bed." _Rosalie was the first one I heard and it was no surprise to me that she would blame me. I blame myself as well.

_"Edward you are a fucking idot. Serously she asked me to fucking stop you from doing anything stupid. She thought I did not love her or want her as my best friend or sister any more. I cried at the song and the letter even the little dress she picked out for me. You really fucking hurt her. I can't belive you. I thought you was gentalman and that you could never hurt a soul but look at my sister she is fighting for her life."_Alice thoughts shocked me a little Alice has never been this mad at me. Well shit I was really in the dog house of Bella did not pull through this. Crap. There is no way for me to even get to the Valtorri at all know is there.

"Don't you even think about it. If we loss Bella we are not lossing another sibbling or son you will have to live with the fact that you did this."Alice hissed out between her teeth, her voice dripping with venom.

_"Edward the feelings I am getting from everyone is not good on your behalf, they are tring not to attacke you here in the hospital but I have to agree with them. You are a complete dick for doing that to Bella. I am haveing trouble feeling her emotions as thet keep comeing and going but it is mainly pain, loss, love, agony, hope, and happiness. I love you but I love Bella more right know don't be surprised if the rest of the family blank you or block you. Esme is to distrought to talk or think straight so her thoughts will not be solid. Emmetta still in shock so he will have no thoughts at all apart from little things every know and then."_ Jasper was always the leavle headed one in the family. I just nodded and fliched at his thoughts.

I saw Charlie walk into the waiting room looking around to see what is happening when he spotted me and my family he did not have the nicest of thoughts it would put a soldier or a saller to shame.

_"Cullen what is he doing back is it not anothe what he has made my baby girl go through. That fucking prick should find a ficking hole and die in it. I wounder if the fucking basterd nows what happend to my little girl for her to end up here."_ Well thats good to know. My Bella has been a zombie for the past 6 months and she hardly ate, sleept, she stopped attending school and going out of the house let alone her room. Oh God I seriously fucked up this time. I hurt the one I love with all my soul. Shit.

"Cullen, you know why my daughter is in this hospital huh. What happend and why are you back. She is already brocken and shit we don't need you to come waltzing in to her life again to just go and do it again she will not servive that again she is slowly wasting away as it is. Because of you she does not leave her room, she does not eat, does not sleep, and she does not talk to no-one or sing and play her keyboard any more. You hurt my little girl so much so that she is just a shell to who she really is." Charlie shouts at me his face getting redder as he goes on.

"Um, Charlie your daughter is stable, she had to have a couple of blood transutions and is in a medical induced coma to help heal and cope with the pain. I also need to tell you that she tried a suicide attemept today and is luck that me where coming back as the hospital in New York transeferred me back to forks. She also has recurring cut's up her arm. Do you know if she has been harming herself at all. We need to know so we know if we need to put her on medacation and or to have her see a shrink when she is well anothe to. She also is anorexic as well. I am sorry Charlie but I will do as much as I can to help your daughter." Carlisle tells Charlie, but says it loud anothe so we can all hear. Rosalie is crying into Emmetts chest, Alice in Jaspers chest, and Esme runs to Carlisle so he can confort her in the news of her daughter.

I just stand there not really knowing what to do, I just collasp on the floor crying, shaking, and I can't even go and hold the one I love to tell her it is alright and I will keep her safe not while I am in this state. I just got up and ran to our meadow. I could smell her scent here too. I saw the box she talked about in her message to me. I ran over to it and cried so much just kneeling down in front of the box.

After sometime I have stopped crying and I look inside the box to see a load more of those CD's all tital Bella's songs and the name of the songs. I reached on to see that Wuthering Hights is also in the box I took it out and I could smell Bella's scent all over it. I started to read it and I could see why Bella loved it so much. I could relate to both Cathy and Heathcliff in the book.

**A/N:**** Well I hope you are enjoying reading this so far I have a second story I have been working on for a couple of months. I am going to put that up as well but I will not forget this story. If you like Without you then I am sure you will like Angel Sanctery. **


	7. healing hearts and Confessions

**Chapter 6**

**B.P.O.V**

_2 weeks after the incident_

I can smell cleaning alcohol, and medicains, I can hear the steady rythme of beeping as if it is in time with a heart beat. I am laying on an uncomfertable bed. I'm not dead as is should be more comfertable. More peaceful. More or less relaxing. I can hear labourd breathing as if that someone has been crying or is cring. I could also hear a steady breathing as if that someone is relaxed, asleep, peaceful.

"Please baby. Please. I love you, please don't leave me, not know. I love you too much to loss you again. I'm so so sorry, if I...if I had known I would of never of left you. I am so sorry love, please forgive me, I can't live with out you ever again not even for the shortest time or the shortest distance." The mystery man said is voive cracking. The voice sounded so familiar, the voice sounded as soft as velvet, like my Edwards voice. It could not be his voice he left me, he left me numb and brocken, never to be healed again. The mystery man which sounded like my Edward started to sob. I could not stand to hear this man sob.

_Why must you cry, why so sad boy. I'm sure your love whoever she is will forgive you and still loves you. no one with a voice like yours should cry and be sad._ I wanted to tell the strange, mystrious man but I could not make them escape my mouth.

"Mmm" I moand trying to talk, trying to comfort him with is pain and sadness. I felt pressure on my hand which I notice is cold. Cold, hard skin yet soft and gental. It reminded me of Edward so much. I whimperd from the pain I feel without him and the pain which is in my wrist.

"Bella, love. talk to me or squeez my hand if you can hear me. Please love do something anything." I listend to the voice which sounded so much like Edward's he even said Edwards pet name for me.

"Edward..." I said to the mysterious man squeezing his head to comfort him, to tell him that I hear him and that I am fine I think. I don't know why I am exaclly in the hospital as that is the only place that smells so clean and sterile to be anything but a hospital. The mystirous man squeezed my hand and called out for his dad.

"Bella baby, Yes it's me. open your eye's for me baby come on. There is some people who want to see you again. Come on love open those lovely deep brown eye's of yours." Edward said to me. Wait Edward I thought he left me. I thought he did not love me anymore. Thats why I did what I did so I could get away from the pain, the agony, the strong sense of lonlyness and un-worthyness. My eyes start to flutter open doing as Edward says as if my body new he was actually here and that it is not a figment of my imagination at all.

My eye's finaly opened but closed as soon as they did, the light was bright and artificall I groand out as the brightness hurt my eye's. My eye's slowly adjusted to the light. I turned my head to look towards the man how was holding my hand. I was shocked to say the least, it was Edward it was really him. He is back but why he said he did not love me and that it was all a lie and that he did not need or want me anymore. Just those thoughts brought tears to my eyes. I can rememeber what happend now, I went back to the cullens house to kill myself. To end the numbness, to end the pain and agony he caused when he left me. I let out a stranged cry one filled with pain and love and loss.

"Bella, love whats wrong, what can I do. Oh god I am so so sorry Bella I never ment for you to try and kill yourself, I wanted you to have a normal human life without any interfirance from me or my family. I am so sorry I hurt you so much that you resorted to doing this." Edward gushed as he held me to his chest the best he could as I am hooked up to severl machines as well as needles. I cry harder but out of joy and happiness, Edward is back and he still loves and cares for me.

"Edward but you said... you said that you don't love me anymore and that you don't want me anymore. You left me. You took my heart and soul with you the day you left. You left behind only the shell of who I once was. I could not breath or function right for days apon days and I was like that for months intill I decided that I could not stand it anymore and that I kept hurting the ones I loved by breathing. How did you even know what I had planned to do where I was. Oh god Edward I still love you with all my heart and soul. Please promise me that you will never leave me again." I held on to Edward for dear life ignoring the pain that was in both my wrists as I did so. Edward held me a fraction tighter but not to much or he could end up killing me in my fragile human state.

"Never will I ever leave you again Bella I love you too. I never stoped loving you. I lied, I had to lie or you would of not let me go, I could see it in your eye's so I had to lie. Why after so many times of telling you that I love you and that I will always love you and that nothing anyone can do will stop me from doing so. Why could you belive the lie so easerly but not the truth." Edward said he kept swallowing down sobbs and he thought I did not notice him do so.

"Because it does not make sense for you to love me, I am human, nothing, just human. Why would someone like you love a clumsy human that has coursed so much pain and trouble to you and your family. I belived the lie as it is the truth Edward. I am not good anothe to be with you. Rosalie is right I am just a perthetic, a waste of space, just a human which only caurses more trouble for you and your family. Why did you save me. Why did you come back. Why. I could be dead and out of your lives. You all could of gone back to how it used to be without me in your lifes. You should of just left me. Never of came back no matter what I was doing. I love you and I can let you go know. You deserve better than me. Someone you can be equal to, someone you can love properly and not have to think about controling yourself all the time. how did you find out anyway." Edward looked torn to peices at my words. I waited for him to reply or say something or move a little. Oh god I have gone and done it again, I have hurt Edward just like I always do. And he can't see what I keep doing to him and his family, Rosalie can but not everyone else.

"Bella... Don't you ever say anything like that ever again, you are everything to me. You mean the world, my world. You have not caused and pain on me or my family we all love you so much. We found it hard to be away from you but I told them that they had to so you could have a chance at a happy normal human life. Have kids, get married and die have a job and a degree in something.

I came back because I love you and I could not live in a world where you do not exsist, I was struggerling to live one hour without you let alone a whole day. I tried I was thinking of coming back at some point, if you was not happy I would of stayed but if you were happy and had moved on I would of left and most proberly have found a vampire or gone to Valtori to kill myself. And Rosalie is just jelouse and over protective of our family, she hates the fact that you have mortality and you are willing to throw it all away to stay with, you are giving up the chance to have kids the one thing that Rosalie craves, wantss and you are giving it up to be a monster. A vampire.

Alice saw a vision of you commiting suicide and told us that if we did not go and save you than we would of lost you forever, and I would not have been able to leave to go to Italy to ask Aro to kill me. Alice saw us being too late and me running of to Italy were my future went blank. I love you, always have always will. Don't leave me again I...I could not stand it. My un-yielding heart will shatter into unfixable peaices and I would never be able to stand to live with myself or anyone else in that matter." Edward let out a stranged whimper and started to cry, I reached my arms out to him. Edward gladly climbed into my open embrace where he rested his head in the crock of my neck and inhald my scent to help calm him. He eventualy got down to small light sobs and then sniffles. I strocked my fingers through Edwards bronze locks soothing him. Loveing the feeling of being able to final be doing this after so long.

Edward kissed my neck lightly and then again a little harder. "I love you." He kissed along my neck repeating those three words over and over. I let out a small moan at the sensation of his kisses running along my neck to my collar bone back to my neck. The kisses resembled that of a butterflies wings, soft anf gental yet held so much power, love and conviction. Edward kissed along my jaw line, the Heart rate machine was going wild as my heart was working a lot harder. Edward chuckled at that little fact which made me blush.

"Well that is going to get embarecing" I mutterd under my breath forgetting that that little action would be useless with Edwards vampire hearing.

"Don't be embaressed love. I love your blush and heart beat it is soothing and only a couple of things that I find are beautiful and wonderful about you, that also makes you unique and different from every other human or even vampire alike." Edward tells me kissing me on the lips the once before curling up in my embrace savoring the warmth that my body leaks. Edward sighs in content ment.

"I love you Edward. Never leave me again I would never cope with it. And what are the other things that you find beautiful and wonderful?" I asked Edward looking him straight in his eye's so he could not back out of it.

"Well I love that you..."

**A/N: Well cliffy folks. I will get back to writting when I can find a chance as I am know back in school so that means that I will be doing homework and shiz lol hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writting it. **


	8. Perposal and Healing love

**A/N:**** Sorry it has been so long since I last updated but I have been busy and all with school and it being my last year and all. Well here it is chapter 7.**

**Chapter 7**

**B.P.O.V. **

_3 days after wakeing up. At the meadow._

It has been 3 days since I have woken up from the coma and a day since I have been relieased from hospital. I have been told that I would have the scars from my actions of servier depression as a constant reminder as to what I have done to myself. Edward only knows of the scars on my arms but he does not know of the ones on my thigh's.

Edward had taken me to the meadow as he wanted to talk about something wich he will not tell me of his reason to why he wants to talk.

"Edward what did you want to talk about." I asked a little worried as to what this could be about. Does he want us to just be friends, or is he leaving me again. I start to hyperventalate at that last thought I could not cope with it if he left me again. It would shorly kill me this time. I would not even servive that long it would shatter my heart and it would never peice back together, I would die from a servier heart break.

"Bella, love calm down. Deep breaths in and out, breath love. I promise it is nothing bad. I just want to talk ok, I am not leaving you again. I could not cope with the pain or the thought that I might be to late next time and you would die and I would not be able to live with myself that I caused this of you."Edward said sensing what I could of thought of to make me start to hyperventalate. He looked me in the eye's willing me to belive him and I did. I know that Edward would never leave me again after what we both went through him more so than me as his emotions are amplified by like 10 or something.

"Edward I belive you. It will take me some time not to think that you will leave me as It is all there I can see why you or someone like you would not love me. Like I told you during my stay at the hospital, I am a human, Plain, boaring and not perfect like you and the others. I know that you love me and that you would never hurt me or leave me again. But my head will not let go of those words that others shorly think when they see us together." I explain to Edward wanting him to understand that I know that he wont leave me again and that he loves me. "I love you Edward forever and always." I lean in closer to Edwards side curling in to it wanting to feel his coldness that radients off of his skin. The coldness relaxes me and calms me down a lot.

"Bella I brought you here as so many happy things happend to us here and I would like to add to that." Edward said worreid about my reaction to what ever he is going to ask me. " Bella from the first moment I looked at you in that biolagy class and I knew that you was special but my constant need for your blood set that back. Every minute I was away from you I could not stand to be around anyone as they reminded me of you. I would sit in my bedroom thinking of you and our times together, each day realising what an idoit I was for ever letting you go. Bella I love you I always have and always will." Edward helped me stand up before he finished what he was saying he nealt back down on one knee and took out a black felvert box which he openend. Inside the box nesteled right inbertween the satin was a ring that was old, delicate, fragial, yet strong, and un-yeilding.

"Bella. This ring belonged to my mother when she was alive. Before we both died she gave it to me and told me that I was ment to give it to the girl who has taken hold of my heart, mind, soul and every thought. She told me only when that woman comes must I give her this ring and never let her go as it would be a sin... Bella I promise to love you for now and forever, will you do me the exeptional honer and make me the happiest man in the world. Isabella Marie Swan will you marry me." I can't belive it. Edward has just asked me to marry him. I want to say yes but what will Charlie say let alone Renee. Well should I care what they think this is my life and I know that my marriage to Edward will not end up the same as theres as we love each other so uncondiationaly that we would last as well as being soul mates.

"Yes... Yes... A thousend times Yes." I say getting louder as I say each word I kiss his lips for a small romantic kiss. "I love you Edward and I want to be yours in every way possible before I become a Vampire" I tell Edward against his lips. Edward freezes after I say Vampire. Well I guess things have not changed his mind. "Edward we have already discoverd what it would be like without each other, I will not allow you to die because I have died from a natural caurse or an accident or something that you could not have stopped. I love you and I want to spend forever with you. I want to get married to you and make love to you before I become a Vampire. You said so yourself you want me to have every human expirance as possible. This is what I want to do Edward. And of you will not change me I know that Carlisle will or even Alice. They do not want to see their son or brother in pain before but this time it will be worse as there would be no chance at ever getting me back unlike this time. Please Edward Change me, make love to me. I want to marry you, I know for a fact that you will not make love to me in human form but at least please do it for me. I want to marry you on two conditions that you will change me and make love to me before I turn into a Vampire." I beg Edward hoping that he will tell that I am being serious about this.

"Bella. I will change you but I will not risk your life by making love to you while you are still in human, fragail, weak. I wont risk it." Edward said. Looking not in my eye's but at the grass studying it like it id the most fasinating thing he has ever seen in his life. I knew then that he was lying about something. Just what is he hidding from me.

"Edward look at me" He ignores me and carries on looking at the grass. "Edward please look at me." Edward still does not make a move to look at me, so I reach out and lift his head up by the chin. Edward obvouily letting me do so. "Edward what are you hidding from me I know you are lying you forget that I know you a little better then you do yourself. Edward what is it that has you lying and hidding from me. Is it because you don't wont me that way or that actually you don't love me but you can not stand to see me hurt. I will understand if you just wont to be friends. You can take back your mothers ring if you are having second thought's. Edward tell me what you are hidding." Edward still did not answar me he looked everywhere but my eye's yet I had him so that he had no choice but to look me in the eye's.

Edward just leaned in and kissed me on the lips lightly, I slowly started to deepen the kiss. Edwards cold tounge liked my bottem lip asking for acsess and I granted him that acsess. His cold tounge danced with mine as we fighted for domanice in each others mouth. Our tounges danceing the tango of love. Cold against warm, I moand quitely at the sensation it caursed to run through my body. I had to pull away to breath after a couple of minutes, Edwards lips never left my skin slowly making it's way across my jaw down my neck across my collar bone and back up. Every now and then Edward would leave a open mouthed kiss or he would lightly suck on my skin. I knew then that I would have multipule hicky's on my neck and collar bone.

My hands traveled from his hair down over his chest where I could feel his purr's slowly be reliased but not auidble to the human ears. My hands slowly traveled lower on to his stomache, I had the fabric to his top between my finger tips. I ever so slowly begain lifting it up giving Edward the chance to stop me if he wished. He never faulterd from his slow kisses which seemed to be getting lower as his top seemed to get higher. The kisses stoped for the shortest time as the top when over his head. Edward pushed me so I was on my back and he was hovering over me. My hands trailed over his bear back and chest. My fingers trasing every crease every indent hoping to memorise his body in such a short time. I reached my head up to give head a passionant kiss one filled with desire and want as well as love and romance. Somehow between kissing Edward and pulling away to breath my shirt was taken off. Edward just stared at my breast. His eye's glazing over,m darkening with lust and want as well as love.

Edward slowly lifted his right hand to my breast while his other hand made quick work at removing my bra. Edwards cold strong hands replaced my bra, he slowly massarged them turning me in to a sort of goo state.

"Mmmhh" I moand at the sensations Edward was causing with in me. Edward made a rather wired sound which sounded almost like a purr. My hands travelled down to his button on his trousers. I just hoped he would not pull away any time soon. I want this, I need this. I fondled with his zipper giving him a chance to stop me, he made no move to stop me from taking off his trousers.

Edwards trousers was sliped from his waist his skin glowed slightly in the warm sun. He sparkled like a pearl in the water basking the the limited sunlight throw the opaque depth of the sea. I grinded softly against Edward and his member, Edward proceded to do the same and kiss down towards my breast. He trailed a steaming, hot kisses. Yet the kisses were so soft and bearly there it made it so much worse.

"Edward... Mmmm...more..." I moan out trying to get Edward to understand that I needed him know in this moment. Edward's left hand left my breast and travelled down to my jeans. He toyed with my botton. The thought of the scars on my thighs did not cross my mind intill I heard Edward gasp. That is when I remembered them all 10 in each leg.

"Bella, what are these. Oh god Bella Why. I thought you only did it on your arms. Oh god I coursed you to do this to yourself."Edwards eye's showed, pain, regreat, agony, self loathing. I can't stand to see those in his eye's yet his face is blank emotionaless. He is wearing that mask. The mask. The same mask he wore that day in the forest. The day he left me and the day I lost all hope in living.

"Edward it was not your fault. I was the one to inflict these, I was the one who brought the cool metal to my theighs and arm's not you. Stop beating yourself up over it. What has happend has happend it is the past. We cannot change the the past but we can change the Future. It is the future that we have and make together. Please Edward don't ruin this. We are going to get through this. This ring only proves that our love is stronger and lasting then any other persons relastionship. This ring proves that you love me anothe to never leave me again. This ring proves we will be able to fix any problem we have together and that we will get through this and be stronger than ever." I tell Edward willing him to understand that no of this that has happend to me is his fault. His eye's has lost some of his pain and agony but the self loathing is still there only a little worse then this time.

"Bella if I did not leave then this would not of happend. I caursed you to feel nothing, I caursed you the pain that lead you to this out come..." Edward said. I could tell there was more to what he wanted to say but I hushed him. Putting my finger to his lips.

"Edward listen to me..."

**A/N: Hay so its a cliffy. Sorry it has taken so long to update but hay the show must go on I would like to thank peacelovel for the help on writing this chapter. I hope it is any good and up to your liking. lol **


	9. Thoughts, Wisdome, Love, and Hate

**A/N: **_sorry it has been yet again another long peroid from one chapter to the next. But as some of you might know last year of school is always the hardest and the more time taking after school. _

**Chapter 8 **

_**Last time in without you.**_

_"Bella if I did not leave then this would not of happend. I caursed you to feel nothing, I caursed you the pain that lead you to this out come..." Edward said. I could tell there was more to what he wanted to say but I hushed him. Putting my finger to his lips. _

_"Edward listen to me..."_

**E.P.O.V**

Bella had put a finger to my lips stopping me in my trakes, the looks in her eyes was pained and hateful, love and hope, her brown eyes where so deep and filled with emotion I missed what came out of her mouth.

"...Edward listen to me you left to save me, protect me. You did not know I would be like that or do this. I am sorry that I did this now but when I was doing it I could not feel anthing or cope with anything. I was a zombie, I only went to school when I was numb anothe to go or I was not going to break down during a lesson. I could not listen to music, play music even, I could not read or go to English without remembering our last conversation or bio without crying or screaming or wanting my tools to make the feelings go away. I was catonic, I hardly ate or sleept I had developed insomnia..." Bella took a breath and looked me square in the eyes as she grabbed my face inbetween her hands as I had started to look away.

"But Edward ever since you came back, I have stopped cutting, I have started to sleep more only missing sleep on the days you are away hunting, I eat at least 1 meal a day now, I go to lessons and my grades are still high, I read, I listen to music and I am still getting round to playing and singing music again. Edward stop beating yourself up, the past is the past We cannot change it know. We have a future ahead of us now... Edward I love you and will always love you. Please understand that this was not your fault, this here, these scars on my body are my doing, I was the one to bring the knife down on my skin." I flinched when she said that about herself she saw my flinch and tried to comfort me but I would not allow her I was the one to leave and my leaving caused her to feel those emotions and for her to feel like she must do such a thing to her beautiful body.

"Bella you cannot make excuses for my wrong doings and my mistakes, I have hurt you and I can see the evidance and the extent to to pain my leaving caused you. Bella I cannot even begin to tell you how sor..." Bella placed her hands on my mouth. She looked at me disiprovingly. Her eyes swam with pain and forgiveness and love and sadness and a hint of lust. I knew that all these emotions were for me or towards me.

"Edward shall I worry over the past, when the past is just that the past. The more I dote on the past the more I lose feel of the pressent, and the more worring fact about doting in the past, feeling the loss of the pressent is the fact that the future is not there. Non see-able until you let go and start living in the now instead of livving in the then and looking in to the unknown. Edward while you were away and just before you came back I had some time to think. You came back and begged me to forgive you and I did. I let go of the past and stopped looking into the future and started living in the pressent. Maybe Edward you need to do that to. Yes you left me and it was hard on both our ends, but you are here know loving me, being here with me, wanting me that is all I ask for and all I am getting. Edward just enjoy the time we have together it maybe our only life time together or it maybe the biginning of many yet to come." My Bella said the most wisdom filled things sometimes, I agree with what she has said but it is not so easy for me. My mind happens to be filled with everything I have ever done. Yes, over time it will fade to the back but I will still remember it.

"Bella, love, it is not so easy for me to forget about it as I happen to be a vampire remember and our memories are huge, only over time will I slowly start to forget and forgive but I can't while it is still freesh in my memory. I believe that what you said is amazing and true. I love you and I will always love you and the time we spend together. I will try. No I promise to try and enjoy the time we have together but it differently will not be our last of many lifes to come. I will change you when the time is right, only after we have done one thing, I know that you might not agree with it, but it was the way I was brought up. I am from the 1900's, I would never of been aloud to hurt you so much this way it goes against gentlemanly conduct code. I am deeply sorry for the the pain and hurt, and worry I have caused you. Bella will you agree to meet me this time in two days out side Bella Italia were we first meet." I asked Bella hoping that she said yes only because I needed to hunt, get the ring, and think up the poposal so would be just perfect for my Bella. As it should be.

Bella just looked shocked, She did not say something and her breath eas coming out to fast, she was going to hyperventolate and pass out if she did not breath soon. I waited for another 30 seconds and she was finaly able to breath. She looked me in the eyes, Her eyes were spinning with love, trust, need, forgiveness and a dash od lust.

"Edward, I would love to meet you outside Bella Italia at this time in two days. But may I ask you why I am meeting you and you not taking me. You are not going to you know! do that again?" Bella said, her eyes were tearing up. She thgought that I am going to leave her again. I can't have her thinking such things. Ideot, Edward you are such a fucking twat, see what leaving has done to her. She deffrently needs some one better then me. I palled Bella into my embrace and roaked her humming her lullaby.

"Bella I will never leave you ever again, I love you to much to leave you again. I love you. Love I just need to hunt, and go and collect something ok. I will be with you tonight and when you wake up but after that I need to go and hunt." I rocked her whispering words of comfort and love. She sobbed a little, I could smell the salt water rolling down her cheeks that have left there home in her beautiful brown eye's.

"Edward... I love you too... Don't ever leave me... I love you too much to ever let you leave me again." Bella said while her head was burried in my neck breathing in my scent, in long deep breaths obvioulsy trying to calm herself. I roacked steadily back and forth in till I heard Bella's breathing calm down in to a steady pattern and her heart relax in to a steady pulse.

"Bella, Bella, Bella what are we ever going to do with you huh. Such a cleaver, loveing, unselfless person, and here I stand nothing more than a monster, a selfish demon, damning and angel to hell, draging her down, turning her pristen white featherd wings in to onyx black, raven wings with raven claws to top the very tip of your wings. I do not deserve such and angel as you. My love. My Bella, never undermind yourself, never think poorly of how you are, and lastly. You are beautiful no matter what anyone else says, you are stunning, radinent, so many words and not one of them can desrcipe you in just one." I wisperd, my lips aganest her temple slowly traviling down with each new sentance, I finaly reached her mouth. I placed a searing kiss upon her plump pink lips teasing them slightly, my tounge sneaked out and rubbed the entire lenght of her bottem lip. Bella moanded as she opened her mouth to great me acsess to her warm heaven, her mouth. You tounges danced a firey tango, batteling for dominace, though the kiss was hard and lust filled, it was also filled with passion, love, forgiveness, and promises of eternity.

**A/N:**_ Well here is your chapter sorry it is not as long as prevoise chapters but this was more of a hard one to write and all. So my other story is Angel Sanctery and it has been a long while since I have updated that. If you have not read it yet then please do and tell me if I should carry on or give it up for adoption or wait it out a little bit. And if you have read it please tell me what you think of it, and if I should carry it on. I have amazing ideas for the story it is just getting it down on paper I can't do. Please review this story as well. I have just completed my writng exams for english on first narritive peice and the second was a thired person narritive peice and They were not so good that got me thinking of my story. _

_thanks readers from yours truly._

_Spike-Jasper-Shane-Baldock._

_(Iesha)_


	10. Love and Proposal

**Chapter 9**

_**2 days later.**_

**E.P.O.V**

I am meeting up with my Bella in 5 hours and I still need to go and get the ring from the jewller's. I had the stones re-newed as they were fadding in color due to the age and how long ago my mother had gotten it, the ring was broght a little more then a centry ago. I had every thing planned, I have even asked Alice to get Bella ready in the new dress I had designed for her and Alice had made it.

I paced for an hour wondering if Alice is already with Bella getting her ready or she is just leaving to get her ready. I was however still hunting well I was finished hunting Carlise and Jasper had finished 2 hours ago and had wished me luck. I have yet to leave the forest to go and collect the ring, I paced between the two trees wearing a trail in the floor. My mind kept conjuring up negative thoughts about asking Bella to marry me. Bella could say no or worse case senario she will leave me and never return to me. I pushed all those thoughts to the side and ran back to the house.

"Edward, you okay man, you seem nervouse about something." Jasper said looking at me as if trying to read my mind for why I am nervouse. Jasper stood at 6 ft and has blonde hair which is shoulder length, curly. I guess that is how the confedirate army had it back then in texses. He has scars marrinating his body from when he was fighting and trainning in the new born armies.

"Yeah I'm fine, big night to night you know. Asking Bella to marry me and all. My mind just wont shut up with the negative thoughts. I know that Bella will never leave me but I can't help feeling that she would not want anything to do with me after I ask her. I know that there is a posibilty that she will say no but I can deal with that." I told him fisting my hands in my hair, tugging as hard as I could with out causing any real damage. I felt a wave of calm spreed throught my vains. I nodded to Jasper in thanks.

_Hay. Bella will never leave you and I doubt she will say no. _Jasper thought to me hoping it would help me think straight and have more possitive thoughts and it helped a little but not much.

I walked to my bedroom to get dressed. Tux with a green t-shirt and no tie. This was all due to Alice and her co-ordination fetish between couples. I know have 2 1/2 hours intill I am meeting the love of my life at Bella Italia. I picked up my keys and ran to the garadge to get my Austin Martin for this special occasion. Right next stop the jewler's.

-WOYTS-

I was standing out side Bella Italia and I have five minutes intill Bella should be here, I could here Alice's thoughts from here, She was singing bon jovi run away in her thoughts. She must be hidding what my Bella looks like as well as how this is going to pan out and all.

Bella came in to my sight not even 2 minutes later she looked as stunning as ever. Bella was wearing the dress which was Jade green like my eyes when I was human. It fit perfectly to het body, it had a sweetheart neckline and the bodice was a princes cut the skirt not puffy just perfact, it was like a 50's style dress but not sticking out as much it reached just bellow her knees. there was a Black ribbon around her waist. Her hair was sweepted to one side with big barrel curls. Bellas make-up was natural looking with smocky eyes. She was more stunning knowing that I had chosen the design and cuts and color perfectly without second thinking to them. She was wearing black flates that must have been a hard battle to win those she must have had to bribe Alice with something to get away with flats.

"Hay love. So how painful was Bella barbie today then. What I am curiouse about is what lenghts you had to do to be able to wear flats instead of heels." I bent down kissing her temple as I embraced her. She embraced me back and kissed my neck as it was the only part of my body she could reach with out streaching to much to get there.

" Hay, Bella barbie was not that bad considering. It took at least 2 shopping trips and 3 Bella barbies where I could not complain and/or get out of. So basicly the two worst things I hate but the two she loves to torture me with. So are we going to stand outside or go in as it is a little nippy out tonight and Alice refused to let me have a coat." Bella laughed hugging herself closer to me. She turnt round to see Alice throw daggers at us, we both simply waved and made our escape into the restrunt.

"Hello, welcome to Bella Italia. How can I help you tonight." The front of house personal said looking at Bellla the hole time, stupid male teenagers how think they can still my girl.

"We have a reservation under Cullen." I said to the boy, Hoping he would get the gist that I was with the beauty he so happend to be stearing at.

_God, Totaly could tap that. I wounder what she see's in him any way he is not that much of a looker. _The boy thought as he walked us to our seats. I had to supress a growl at his thoughts.

"Here it is table for two. Your servor will be here shortly, heres your menus." He told us as he walked away back to the front podium. I hope our servor is not as bad and obnoxious as he was.

"Edward, this the same place we had sat when you got me dinner here last time... How did you rememeber that... I know that you have a photographic memory but I thought you would not remember little mudane things like these." Bella said her voice breaking every now and then with tears as she looked at me with love and devostion swimming in her pool like eyes. I know now that all my worry's and insecurites was for nothing.

I pulled out her chair so she could sit down. I took her hands in mine across the table looking in her eyes, my thoughts never once portaide me as I steared in to her eyes. My thoughts never went down the path they did earlier.

"Bella, love. Why would I ever forget anything about you, or even any of the time we spent together. I remember where I took you for our first proper date and where we sat and even what you had for dinner. I know that you are more or likely going to order the mushroom ravioli with a coke and bread sticks." Bella laughed shacking her head. She knew that I was right. I laughed along with her.

"Well Edward you sound so sure about that, and you are right about that. I _love_ you, you know that right, I _love_ you even though we have so many _differences_ right know, but I know that one day in the _future_ we will not have those differences any more." Bella stressed some words at me, willing me to understand her. I leand over my hand cupping her cheack as she leanded in to my touch. I kissed her lips lightly pulling away slowly to leave a lingering kiss.

The servor came before I could say anything back. "What can I get you tonight Sir." The waitress purred in a suductive manor or trying to at least. The waitress paying no mind to my Bella. Her thoughts were rather erotic and not ones mind I would love to hear, the only erotic thoughts I want to hear is my Bella's.

"We will have 2 glasses of coke please, oh and one mushroom ravioli and bread sticks on the side please, thank you." I said not bothering to turn to the waitress but stearing at my Isabella, my love. Out of my parallel eye sight I saw the waitress leave without the spring in her step and her shoulders where a littlw slumped as she walked off. I guess I burst her bubble.

"Well I guess it is officaly like the first time we came here. We get a waitress who undoubtedly tried to suduce you and flirt like a whore while blanking me. How did you not see that, you just blanked her like the first time seriously." Bella said in a rush, tripping over her words to try and get them out before the waitress returned with our drinks. As Bella stopped furiously blushing the Waitress came and placed the drinks on the table and walked away not even saying a word.

"Bella do I even need to tell you. When I am with you, you are the most beautiful woman I see, When I am with you it is like it is only you and me and no one else excists. Bella you don't see your self clearly anothe not like those around you." I place my hands on her cheacks holding her head so she could not look down in embarisement, Her cheacks and neck was coated in a red blush, the blush was as red as blood it self when the oxgen made contact. Her skin warmed up a little with the sudden rush of blood to her face and neck. I palled one of my hands away from her face to retrieve the box from inside my jacket pocket. I fumbled a little for the first time in a centery my hands were shacking, I have never known a vampire to shake before unless they have been bitten or they are fighting such anger that they find it hard to controll themselves.

"Edward, you alright you are shacking a little is something wrong, is there somethin..." Bella trailled of as I stood only to go down on one knee by her chair. I turned her around so that I could place the box in both of her's and wrap my hands around her's to support them.

"Bella, I love you more with every sunset and every moon rise...You make me hole and complete...When I am with you I can be myself and not someone how people want me to be. I love you with all my heart that it pains me both physically and emotionaly when I am away from you. Although we have many differences you are preperd to be with me because of those differences, not only do you accept me you also accept my family. Isabella Marie Swan will you do me the exctrodenary honour with becoming my wife for the rest of our lives... Will you marry me." My voice brocke in the bigginning of my speach but as it progressed I managed to keep my voice calm and steady. Now I am waiting for the answer. Bella's eyes searched mine to see if I was serious and not playing her around. In her eyes love, confliction, dispalive, lust, devotion was all swearling around in the depths of her chocolate brown eyes. Love was the strongest emotion there.

"Edward..."

_A/N:__ well thats it for chapter 9 and it is a cliffy what is Bella's answer... will Edward get the yes he so desires or will he get the no... Keep in tune and find out in chapter 10. If you have any questions on any of my stories or on my chapters please ask and I will answer as best as I can. _

_love _

_Spike-Jasper-Shane-Baldock_

_(Iesha)_


	11. Important authors note

**A/N: ****Hay it's me. I feel like I should owe you an explenation as to why you are all waiting so long, know don't shout at me but angry reviews will be taken into account.**

**I am finding it hard to write the next chapter I have all these ideas I just can't get them on to paper or in this case word. Know I will try and update soon. I am currently working on my other story 'Without you'. **

**So until ferther notice this story will be on hold. **

**If you, my readers have any ideas please tell me and I will see what I can do with them you will also get a shout out.**

**I am yet again greatfuly sorry. **

**Love **

**Spike-Jasper-Shane-Baldock.**

**xoxoxo**

**(Iesha) **


	12. Saying No

**A/N: Hay it's me again. Well I am really sorry that I have not updated in a while (weeks) I have had writers block as well as debating with myself and friends if Bella** **should say yes or no. And I have had loads of causework and revision thats needed to be done. Right I should stop babberling and get on to the story. **

**I do not own twilight or the characters, but I own the plott and the ideas which is in this story.**

**Chapter 10**

**B.P.O.V**

'Will you marry me' they are the words that rang in my head repeatedly.

"Edward..." I stoped what do I say. I love him and everything and want nothing more then to marry him. But then the him-leaving-me thing is still fresh and the fact that I am hardly ever left on my own round sharp objects any more just in case I try to kill myself.

"Edward... I love you and you know that. But Edward I don't think I can marry you not yet anyway...I just think that we should wait a little longer, we need to go out on dates and talk about what happend. I want to marry you don't get me wrong I have since we first started dateing but I am not sure right now. You left and you could do it again, nothing is stopping you. But is this something you want, once we are married you would need to change me and then there is no going back..." I explaind why I could not marry him but he cut me off.

"Bella I love you and I can never leave you again. I will never ever change my mind about you. There is no one but you I want. Bella.." Edward sounded so sure of himself and his voice had a tone of begging in it.

"Edward I love you so much but ask again when the time is right and maybe the answer will be the right one." I told him hoping he would understand that I love him but I could not marry him yet but I will some day but only when the time is right.

"Bella... how would I know when the time is right." Edward looked at me he was sitting in his seat again and I was placed in his lap sometime during our talk he had moved us to such postion. Edwards voice sound so lost and unsure, I hate making him feel like this, to know that it was me who put those emtions in his voice and for him to feel like this.

"Edward you will know when the time is right...you will feel within yourself that it is right. Edward you as the person you are will now when the time is right. I love you and only you, I hope you know that." I sincerly voiced to him. His eyes looked so lost and afraid and I knew that the fear was fear over me leaving him or him lossing me.

The waitor came back with my food order. She looked over at me and Edward with a look of distain in her eyes and the anoyance rolling of her in crasing waves. I felt Edward stiffen up at no-doubt the waitresses thoughts towards us. I climbed of Edwards lap and over to my seat, Edward wasted no time to with reaching out and graping my hand as I sat, he has become big on touching me since we started going out and he came back. The waitor placed the dinner down in front of me and tried her best with smiling a fake smile but unfortuantly not succeding with doing so we both could see throw it.

"I hope you enjoy your dinner..." She turns to look at Edward and hopelessly tries to flirt with him "...are you sure I can't get you anything at all..." The waitor trails of meaning more to what she said and I knew it was a failed attempet at getting my mans attention as he was still only looking at me.

"No. No thank you I am fine." Edward replyed not evening moving his eyes from mine to reply to her. Well it sucks to be her right know turned down by what looks to be the hotest and most amzing man alive or undead should I say.

"Ok then..." This does not deteriate her, her hips sways as she walkes back towards the kitchen like all sluts do to get the attention of all the male race. She kinda remindes me of _Jessica Stanely_ from school who was constantly trying to still Edward from me but God she failed at that.

"Well that was interesting I thought she was going to start having a Bitch Fit with me about you. Did you feel those waves of anoyance when she saw me sitting on your lap I wounder what she would of been like if she saw you propose to me. God and she remindes me of _Jessica Stanely _fromt school always chasing you and trying to get your attention while looking like a complete slutt doing so." I stressed _Her_ name as we I talked to Edward. He just gave me a pointed look as if to say not-ever-going-to-happen-and-you-know-it. I roll my eyes in response to his look.

-WOYTS-

It has been two days since that faithful night of the desartrious dinner where I turned down Edwards perposal. Edward was hunting with all his family in cannada. So for this weekend I am on my own, Jacob does not wish to know me since well since I went depressed and I tried to kill myself.

It's a saturday afternoon and I decided to go off to Port Angels to shop for books as I am in dyer need of new book, I went to the only book store we have in Port Angels 'The Port Angels Book store'. The drive up was slow and painfull as I was on my own as my truck will not go over fifty miles an hour, so instead of the journy taking me an hour it takes me an hour and forty-five minutes to get to Port Angels. I stop two blocks away from the book store and started to walk throught the blusling crowd. I placed the earphones in my ears and scrooled down to Edwards playlist, I walked trance like to the shop head down and avoiding all physical contact with the other people walking.

The bell on the door chimed it's high pitched chime as I walked into the shop.

"Afternoon Bella, and what brings you here this fine afternoon." Sheller greated me as I walked through the door, I was a reguler costumer at the store so they all new my name and what sections I would walk towards.

"Afternoon Sheller, Boyfriends out with the family this weekend, hiking, and stuff. So I thought it was time to come to town and get some new books to read as I am scercly low on reading matterial." I replyed back as I walked down the fiction and fantasy isle as normal. Ever since me and Edward fist became an offical couple I went on to reading books about mythical creatuers, I have just finished reading the 'House Of Night Series' Edward was amused about my reading choice and all.

I walked down the isle reading the names of books as I went, there was a set of books that cought my attention 'The Morginville Vampires' I read the back of the first book glass houses and it sounded intresting anoth to read. I collected the lot and walked back to sheller to pa for the books.

"Well that will be $25.50 please Bella," I handed her the money and started to walk to the door, "Thanks Bella and see you next time." She said I waved over mt shoulder and left through the door, the cold air of the late afternoon was bitter and damp with expecting rain. I decided to walk towards a little cafe for a early dinner, It was five o'clock when I reached the little cafe in the conor of the road situated 3 blocks away from the book store.

I walked into the cafe and saw it was not that buisy, I walked up to the counter and saw that Jessica Stanely from forks high was working here. That must be a new thing, Jessica was an average highted woman with long brown hair and eyes the colour of a clear sea. She is the deffintion of a perfect girlfriend, perfect body, perfect life, she never used to work for to get money when I went to school but I haven't been resently.

"Hello, how may I help you you today." Jessica said with fake enthusiasum and a fake smile which was so unlike her usual self defferently odd.

"Hay, Jessica. I would like to have a jacket petato with cheese and salad, thank you." I replyed my voice only sounding semii-depressed voice, it was setting in the feeling of abandoment againg. I have to watch myself or I will not be able to retrive myself once I succumb to the that place again. I felt someone staring at me, it was making the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand up to attention like they where little soldiers on the front line ready to attack.

"Hay, Bella how are you doing. I have not seen you in ages. You look better then last time and eating again which is good. I heard that the Cullens are back. So are you and Edward back together ." Jessica asked with a knowing smile I bet she could not wait to pass around the gossip. Her eyes sparkled with the idea of new knowledge of relationship gossip and my well being as well as I have been the talk of the town for months.

" Well Jess the Cullens are back and me and Edward are back together thankyou. I shall go and have a seat. I am on a tight scedual and I need to keep to it, it was nice to catch up with you." I laugh as I turn round and was met with faces of out rage as I held up the cue. "sorry" I mumbled under my breath. I took to the nearest seat which happens to be a booth, the eyes followed me and m every move. I finished my lunch/dinner and walked out of the cafe, the feeling of eye's watching me intensly never left me, the un-nerving feeling in the bottom of stoumch was not letting up at any rate. I spead up my walking, I heard another set of feet pounding behind me.

My hands started to sweat, my heart pounding in my chest, I could feel it thumping against my rib cage as if it was trying to break it's way free from my body. The blood was rushing through my ears, fear spreed through me, adrealine crashing it's way throughmy veins as if cold, ice water was being pumbed through them. I stopped for a split second and decided to go down the alley way next to me it had no back exit at all but I was hoping he did not see me turn in. I slumped against the wall trying tto catch my breath and calm my irratically beating heart.

"Hay, babe were do you think you're going. Come on lets have some ." The voice of a man said, the man was standing by the entrance and exit to the alley way. The man took one step forwards and I took one step back. We did this until he had me backed up against the very back of the wall anyone who walked by would not see me and would only hear if I screamed.

Edward was not here nor anywhere near here, the Cullens would not be able to reach me in time,my phone was in the car so I could not even call the police or anyone for help. no-one knows where I am. I am now well and truely screwed.

I tried despretly to scream out for help but it got stuck in my throught and came out as a strangled whimper. I tried with all my might to remember any of the self defense moves I learned with Renee when she had one of her things which only lasted two weeks at the most for each new thing, nuda, noting, zilch, not one single thing to help me. I tried to scream again but nothing came out except a whimper a little louder then the last one.

"Know are you going to make this harder for yourself or are you going to be a good girl like you are and not scream." I nodded as there was nothing else I could of done. "Good". His hands travelled down my body and back up again. His hands went down again to the hem of my shirt and tore it of my body as well as my bra, I whimpered at his actions. \he pressed his groin into mine and I could feel his hard erection. My fear and horro was turning him in, he liked it when his victems was scared of what he was doing to them. I whimpered as I felt him tear my trousers and panties off. This is it no-one to save me no-one to stop him, I could not even stop him from doing this. Silent tears fell down my cheaks as he entered me ruffly. He did not even stop to let body adjust to the invasion of his penis, his thrust were repeatedly harsh as I cried. It hurt so much.

"Stop. Please, stop." I begged repeatedly as his thrusts got faster and harder, I could feel blood run down my leggs.

"Mmmhh...God your so tight...A vergin, I love it... Unngghh..." This strange man kept moaning and thrusting I closed my eye's willing it to end.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. Edward...Please forgive me. I tried... I'm sorry...So sorry. Please. Stop. Please...Please stop." I repeat it like it was my mantra, I felt his fist connect with my face. I felt blood spill down it slowly.

"Bitch don't talk. Don't scream...Arghh...Shut up will you...Ughh..." The man said I whimpered after he stoped thinking and I felt his fist connect with my stomach and then my face again. I keept whimpering and crying. I tried to scream but every time I tried he would thrust harder and hit me again harder then the last time. My body could not take anymore before his next fidt made contact I succumbed to the darkness with open eye's.


	13. Hospital, Pain, Together

_**A/N: Hay readers I will like to say that, some of you might not have liked the following chapter due to the content, here is the same chapter but from A.P.O.V and after her vision with E.P.O.V but there was a reason to do this so if you keep reading you will see nothing bad will come out of this it was a better option then giving her a time period of when she was going to die as that was the orginal. If you had realised this story is not a happy go lucky type but it is not all depressing and that. **_

_**I do not own Twilight or the characters just the plot to this FanFic... so on with the story. **_

**Chapter 11**

**Alice .P.O.V.**

Me and Jasper were hunting together, we were south of canada. We both sented a heard of elk, I let go of Jazz's hand and let him run in front of me to get first pickings of the hunt. I ran after jazz after two seconds knowing that he would be half way through his hunt. I saw that Jazz haf the buck of the group and the doe was running in my direction as if trying to get away from the danger, the animal in me was let lose as I crouched, letting out a howling growl to worn those of my family that I had sented and was in for the kill.

I unlocked my muscles that was bunched and jumped at the doe bracking its neck to stop it struggling. I let my mouth lock around the neck where the once beating vain would be, I felt the tangy, bitter tast of blood run down my throut. quenching the thirst and putting out the fire at once. I was almost done with my prey when the air shifted around me and I knew that Jazz has finished with is prey.

Jasper stood close by whatching me, his eyes held adoration, love, lust fear and caution, and even more love. He noticed I had finished my kill and walked towards me slowly his arms out streached so he could pull me into his loving embrace. I ran the rest of the way towards him and jumped into his arms, we looked into each others eye's and ok I admitt it after nearly 90 years I still get lost in his amber eye's which had such a depth to them that you could tell was hidding his past and some of his true emotions but I could read throught those eyes that hold so much a secret to others but are open doors to his soul to me. Our eyes did the talking for us hundred of words said to each other without our lips moving an inch.

"Jazz, babe do you wont to hint some more or are you satisfied until next time?" I asked him, my voice filled with love and nothing else. Jazz just nodded his head and in agreement. I started running in the direction fearther north in cannada to hunt something more livley, I know that elk is not anothe for Jasper.

I know that Edward for sure that Edward will be hunting in the area to get his mountain lion fill. I could sense that Edward was in the area to hear me talk and hear my thoughts. I went to sent for my next kill when a vision hit me. I stopped dead in my trakes the vision over taking my sight of whats actually in front of me.

_Vision._

_Bella was backed against an alley way wall, she was completely stripped, bruises forming all over her body, blood running down her leggs and head. The man who loomed over her was moaning, he was thrusting in and out. Bella had tears coming down her face in strems, she was whimpering and muttering over and over again for the man to stop and Bella appologising to Edward about what was happening too her. I saw her black out. The man left Bella naked on the alley way ground bleeding and uncouncious._

_Vision End._

I was palled out of the vision by a ferral growl, the growl was loud anothe for the whole family to come running towards me, Edwardvwas standing in front of me hissing, shaking violantly. His eyes look so torn.

"Alice, please tell me that I can get to her before that sadistic barsterd does that to her. Tell me I can save my Bella from that fate. Please Alice. Please." Edwards voice was pleading, brocken. His eyes held such intence pain it made Jasper recall from him and send a calming wave towards him, it did nothing, Edward was to far gone to calm down, while his mate is being raped and there is nothing we can do about it.

"Edward we are going to be to late by the time we reach her he will be gone, the best we can do is run back to Port Angels and get Bella medical care before we are to late." I said my words did not calm him down, but made itt worse I was not going to lie to him about his mate and give him fake hope. Edward growled again punching any tree him till it fell down.

"Alice, whats wrong, whats happend to Bella that we are all to late to save her from and has Edward in this state." Everyone asked at once panic raised their voices up an octive.

"I had a vision. In this vision Bella was being raped by an older man in his thirties, we are to late to stop it from happening but if we leave now we can get to Bella before midnight and for anything else drastic to her. She is bleeding from her verginer vary bady and her head a little. Bella has also been nocked out by several blows to her head, bruises all over her body with little cuts to go along with that." I said as I finish talking everyone was running, Edward was in the lead running as fast as he could. Rosalie was seething and mutturing things under her breath which where untangable to even us vampires.

**I hour 45 minutes later.**

**E.P.O.V**

We had made it to Port Angels in only an hour and 45 minutes, I could smell my Bella's blood, I ran straight towards it. The sight I was met with did nothing for my anger. My Bella laid sprawled across the ground, her lower half laid in the middle of a puddle of her own blood. A strangled whimper realesed it's self from my throat I ran to her, I took off m jacket and carefully placed it over her body, I picked my unconcious love and walked out the alley way towards my family, My love was unusally pale for her, bruises covered the majority of her body, I walked carefully but as fast as I could without julsting her body to much.

"Oh, Bella. Oh my baby girl." Esme sobbed as she saw me carrying her out.

"Oh, Bella never would I wish this sort of truama to happen to you." Rose burried her head into Emmett's chest and sobbed wracking sob's that shock her body violantly, I could see the hazey memories from when she was human and this happend to her. Rose knew what Bella will be going through once she gain's conciousness.

"Carlise. Please, help her please. When we get to the hospital please be the one to treat her and look over her. Please. Please we need to leave now before she gets worse you can all hear her heartbeat, it's weak we can't waste any more time talking." My voice brock a couple of times in that sentance. My voice sounded so brocken and distant as well as desprate. I looked as well as sounded vulnerable.

"Edward I will do the best, but you have to understand that I may not be able to get to treat Bella. And if we wont to make it to the hospital in time then we need to leave know." Carlise said in a sympathetic tone one of understanding and comfort. A voice you would use on a scared child. We started to run to the hospital in Forks as it is the closses hospital next to seattel. In Forks Carlise had a better chance at treating my Bella if we went to Forks hospital.

We reached the hospital withon 10 minutes and had her checked in the room within 5 minutes. Dad was currently checking her over and Carlise was blocking hes thoughts so was Alice, I did not like this but I did not bring it up. I paced the floor vigerously, my family was watching me not knowing what to do or say to me. Dad walked out of Bella's room. I walked up to him, stared in his eye's looking for annything emotion, thought on how my Bella was.

"Whats wrong dad. Please, tell me Bella will be fine." I pleaded my ees welling up with tears that will never fall over the lip of my eye's, Carlise's sighed, eye's looking over to Bella's rppm brefly.

"Edward, Bella has a mild concusion which we will need to moniter, it is not serious but it is just a procution, she has a couple of stiches on her back, head, and her virginal area. I do not know hoe she will react to many male company. Edward Bella is concious right know and is asking for you. But she does not wish to see anyone else. This is to be expected. Go carefully and don't push her she will orgistrate any or all contact that is if she wishes, she might flinch a little from you. She maybe weary of any male apperance." As Carlise said this his hands were on my shoulders, I nodded my thanks to him and turned my back on my family walking towards Bella, my loves hospital room.

I knocked on the door, waiting for Bellas soft voice to let me in. Her voice was so quiet so fragial that I could not even here it even with my hightend senses. The room was meadium sized, her bed was centred in the middle against the wall, there was a heart monitor beeping away in time with Bellas heart, and IV drip was by her bedside, the needle sitting in the back of her hand. I know that she does not like needles and would not wait untill she could get rid of it. Bella was laying on her side, she looked so brocken and fragial. Bella was pale, her hair was slick against her head, her eyes, chocalate brown eye's looked so vacent, like she was not there, it looked like she was shutting down withdrawing her self from this world, from my world. I wish that I could read her thoughts now more then ever.

"Bella, love. Hay." I said, she started crying when she saw me. It hurt so much to see her so hurt emotionaly and physicaly.

"Edward. I'm sorry...I...I tried to make hime stop...I...I treid to get away...But...but I couldn't...I...I was not strong anought to get away. I am so...so...sorry Edward. Please don't leave me, Plesae, I don't think I could live with of...Please Edward say you love me...Edward please hold me and never let go...Never leave me...Please." Bella pleaded I slowly made my to her and crowled into her bed. Holding her flushed against my cold body, she cried harder as I held her. Her face was burried deep within my chest.

"Bella, love. I will never leave you again, never. Bella. I love you more then my own live it's self. I love you no matter what. Bella I love you so much that we will get through this together. Bella I love you now and forever and nothing, no-one can or will change that." I told her. I kissed the top of her head, this move only making her cry harder, her sholders shaking ten-fold. I rubbed my hands over her arms making sure that I am not hurtung her in the process.

"Edward how can you love me. I am damaged I...I...was...ra...I am not whole...I am no longer fully yours...Edward please do not leave me...never leave me again." Bella said she pulled away from me and I let her. not wanting to hurt her. She curled in on herself and started rocking back and forth crying her eyes out.

"Bella! Bella! Love, please listen to me. It does not matter to me Bella. As long as you are fine and healthy and you are with me, I do not care if you are whole again. It was not your fault, it was that sick sadistic basterd's fault Bella. I know that you tried your best at everything you could, but Bella listen to me you are safe and you are well, nothing is going to hurt you now okay. Nothing. I promise. I will never let you go again, I will never leave you I vowe this to you." I said, I reached towards my Bella as I finshed my rant. I stopped reaching for her as I rememberd what Carlise said about touching Bella without her permission.

"Bella, love can I hold you, please. Can I touch you to comfort you, please, Bella. I love you so much." Bella turned towards me and nodded, she did not say one word to me nor where her eye's open. I could not see into her eye's that tell me everything, I could not read her mind at all she was cut off to me. Her eyes were my way of knowing what was going on inside that mind of hers.

"Edward...Kiss me, hold me, and never let me go." Bella whimperd opening her eyes, I could see so much pain her eyes beheld. I could tell that see need's sleep but she is so scared to fall asleepd, and the concusion would mean that she would have more of a disruptive sleep even without the nightmeres to come.(**Thoughts in italics.)**

_Edward, I forgot to tell you, that there is test that I need to do but I have to wait at least 2 weeks before I can do those, this is due to the type of the test are. _Carlise thought were quite in my mind. I could tell that he was hiding this from me earlier until I saw Bella myself.

_Edward we would all like to see Bella, could you please ask her if we could come in for a second._ Esme thought, her inner voice was distrought, weak, filled with pain all those mptherly instincts came into play as she thought this.

"I wills ask her." I whisperd so only my family could here and Bella could not.

"Love. Can the others come in to see you please, they want to see how you are. Don't feel presured into letting them in, they will understand a lot more then you realize." I asked softly like I was talking to a scared toddler afried of the boggie man under their bed's.

"Okay they can come in." Bella said as she looked at the door knowing that they had heard her answer the question they were so despret for the answer.

They all walked in Emmett smiling as always, Alice bouncing but with a serouse look on her face. Rosalie was not sure what her expression should be so she kept it blank, so did Jasper. Esme and Carlise looked like the worried and protective parents they were.

Alice bounced over to Bella to give her a hugm but Bella flinched and tried to burry herseld deeper into my body, like my body would absorbe it in and hide it away from our family. Bella whimpers.

"Stop please. Please stop. Edward I'm sorry...so...so...sorry...I tried...I tried. Stop please, Please stop. I love you Edward..." Bella repeated it until she passed out. It was the same words she said the whole time IT happend and when she blaked out her last words were 'I love you Edward.' But why was it that she would let me hold her and kiss her and be near her but as soon as the rest of the family tried touching her or come near her she repeated the words, like a mantra and then blacked out after saying 'I love you, Edward' Alice looks like she would cry if she could. She backed up into Jaspers waiting arms and started to chocke with sob's, and tears that will never fall.

"Alice, please don't take what she did to heart, it maybe a while before she will let anyone else touch her or be near her, she was tremberling ever so slightly when you all walked in. It might be to much for her to deal with right now, especially with everything so fresh in her memory." I tried to reason with her as to why Bella was like this. I saw Rosalie leave the room.

_Edward, I think it would be fair on Bella if all of is left and you stayed only until Bella is comfertable to be around us again, it might take her longer due to the state she was in pryer to this._ Rosalie thought, concern was genuine and love was all directed at my Bella. She used to envy Bella for so long but she could not after this, Bella has gone through more than Rosalie ever has and she can no longer envy Bella about her mortality, she could see that Bella had it a lot tougher then some of us did.

"I agree Rosalie. Guys do you mind leaving for the time being, only until tomorrow. Rosalie and I think it will be best. Maybe tomorrow you can come and see her in pairs or singular tomorrow. Lets not push her right now, okay. Thank you Rosalie." I said matter-of-factly and my voice had nit room for arguments.

"Edward I shall stay here to be Bella's perminante doctor as she respounds to me then the other male or female doctors." Carlise told me, knowing that it was in both mine and Bella's best mental state that he stayed and helped out with Bella.

The others said their goodbyes and left without another word. Carlise checked Bellas vitails before leaving the room, he stoped and turned to me.

"Edward can you wake her every hour please, until further notice. Thanks" Dad said, turned back through the door and left us alone.

Bella started to stir but not wake. Her eys balls moved restlessly in her sockets vigerously as if she was having a nightmere.

"No...stop please. It hurts...stop please...I can't see...please...please...ahh. Edward help me please...Edward love me, hold me, cherish me...Never let me go...Edward I'm sorry...Please stop...Please...Stop."Bella was having a nightmere just as I suspected. Her heart rate increased her arms where flearing everwhere, she was having a nightmere about her rape, she screamed and started thrashing more violently, she repeated what she was saying over and over. I pressed the buzzer and Carlise came running in to the room it has been less then 30 minutes before he left the first time.

"Dad! Dad, what do I do. Bella wont wake up and she is going to end up hurting herself more then ever." I franticly asked my dad.

"No...No...Stop...Stop...Please...Stop...Please...I love you Edward..."Bella screamed, her screams and her finger nails digging into her arms, smelling blood as they peiced her skin I collapsed to the floor sobbing, looking at my Bella, helplessly. I did not know what to do for the first time in my life I did not know what to do.

"Bella! Bella! Bella, love...Wake up please. Baby please wake up, you have to wake up know nothing is going to hurt you I promise...Bella...Bella...Wake up" I cried from the floor near her head, I was eye level, my hands strocking her face, her hair anywhere I knew would coux out of sleep. "Bella wake up" I whisperd in her ear. Her eyes fluttered open, sighing in relief, I got up off the floor and laid down beside Bella again. Bella curled up into my side and cried for the umptenth time.

"Bella...Love it's okay now he is not going to hurt you, never again. I will not let him hurt you. Nothing will hurt you, I will protect you from him." I said running my hands through her hair, I started to hum her lullaby to her and soothingly rocked her back and forth. Some time into this she fell asleep, I kept my hold on her and humming to her. Carlise made quick work of checking her vitals, and baderging her new wounds. Luckly she has blunt nails and the cuts were not that deep.

I woke her up every hour on the hour, I then hummed to her to make sure she slept soundlessly. As soon as she would start to whimper I would holder closser and hum her lullaby right next to her ear, this seemed to calm her down.

**A/N: so this is the end of this chapter, I dont remember if I mentioned this in my authors notices that I am sorry about the previeous chapter and that there is a reason why It is better for the long run and is the fastish. So I hoped you enjoued your selfs and cant wait to see you again. x **

**yours one and only **

**Spike-Jasper-Shane-Baldock**


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